Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
