I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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