Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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