It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
