wat bout pragnant strippers??
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
