I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
