threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
