It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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