I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
