Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
