And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
