Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
