I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
