The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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