I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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