I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
