get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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