All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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