He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Randomize
