a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
