Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
