I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I wish my penis had an off switch
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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