worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
