you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
