Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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