I puked a lego.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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