I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
