im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
