how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We left an ass print on the piano.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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