my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
