don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
