My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
