Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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