Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
