I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
