She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
it's great music for shaving your balls
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
