That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
