Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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