All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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