she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
