Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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