I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My dad just said "fuck circus"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
