ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
