How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
