What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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