Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
