i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
