i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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