Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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