I think i peed on brittanys purse
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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