Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
