I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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