I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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