Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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